i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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