dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can I color on your dick again?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
