if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
