There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
