Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
