so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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