You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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