Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
