Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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