We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
