the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize