girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
