it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
