i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize