I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
