This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
