She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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