i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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