Sponge bath it is.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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