margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
