I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
