im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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