I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize