Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
