there's paper in my vomit.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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