He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize