I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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