He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Randomize
