i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
