Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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