I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
