it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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