Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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