blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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