I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
