i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
