So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
