I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
