All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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