There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
