I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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