Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize