Are we in a gay sports bar?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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