wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
