Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
