so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
