I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Who died my cat blue again?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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