My liver just broke up with me...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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