Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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