True but thats because hes a fetus.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
