idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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