Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize