I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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