Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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