So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
