okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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