U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The power of my boobs compel you
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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