you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
