I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize