exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
