Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
