I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize