He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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