Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
