We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
