I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
