just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
