Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
