Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize