Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
40s are totally the cure
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
