i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
