Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
