VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
