Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Your cock deserves a montage
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
