I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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